You Can't "Someday" Your Way to the Life You Want

Listen to an expanded conversation between Bart and Sunny around this newsletter:

There’s a true story we have never forgotten. You can read Richie’s full account right here if you would like to.

We have a friend named Richie Norton, who happens to be an author, speaker, and entrepreneur who lives in Hawaii. Years ago, his wife’s younger brother Gavin was living with them and had been living with them for five years. One morning they woke up to discover Gavin, a healthy and vibrant 21 year old, had passed away completely unexpectedly in his sleep.

A little over two years after Gavin’s death, Richie’s wife gave birth to their fourth son. They named him Gavin, after his wife’s younger brother. Ten weeks into his short life they found themselves sitting alone in a hospital room. Little Gavin had developed pertussis (aka whooping cough) and had a secondary infection as well. The hospital staff informed them there was nothing more they could do and that their little boy likely would not make it through the night.

Richie and his wife cried together. They spoke words of profound love to their little son. They took all the tubes off of him, and Richie’s wife rocked him while Richie held his hand on his son’s chest, feeling the last beats of his tiny heart. They sang him a lullaby through their tears… and their little boy was gone.

Richie tells the story with such grace (he does have some podcast episodes out there if you want to hear him talk about it). But this moment really stuck with us. And that is, after their sweet little child died, they didn’t know how to leave.

People never talk about what to do next. You’re torn with staying as long as you can because you don’t want to leave your child, even though there is nothing more you can do. How do you simply leave the room and leave your child behind? What’s the protocol for that kind of heartbreak?

Richie said a sweet nurse finally walked in after a couple of hours, looked at Richie’s wife and simply said, “Would you mind if I rock your sweet baby for a while?”

That sweet nurse’s act of kindness gave them permission to let go. To walk forward through the impossible act of simply leaving. Gavin had lived for 76 days.

When the Track Switches Without You Noticing

Very shortly after the death of his son, Richie and his wife went to listen to a friend and mentor of his who was giving a speech close to his home. After her speech, they sat and chatted for a few minutes. She looked directly at Richie’s wife and said, “So, what have you learned?” Meaning, what have you learned from the death of your child? Richie expressed that he was somewhat taken about by this direct line of questioning. He left that day with that question still piercing the back of his mind. Months passed, but it still lingered.

After looking at what had happened with his brother-in-law and his little son, he finally came up with the answer: “Live to start. Start to live.” Live now! We all have a time limit on us. He realized that if we are sitting around waiting or begging or maybe even pleading for our circumstances to change so we can finally live life the way we really want to live…chances are high we will continue to live that way. You’ve probably heard the saying, “Someday almost always turns into never.”

Richie named his new philosophy on life “Gavin’s Law.” Live to start. Start to live. He says most people approach life as needing to know more, be more, have more money, or whatever it may be before they can do the thing that they really want to do. But what he found was that most people, twenty years later, are still thinking they need to know more, be more, or have more money. You’ve got to start NOW. Many people also think once they hit retirement they’ll be able to explore the world and finally do all the things they want to do. What they find is that their health has declined, or their partner’s health has declined, they’ve gone through a divorce, or maybe their spouse has passed away. We cannot afford to wait to live the life we want to live.

Here’s the thing: most of us go through life thinking we are showing up. We’re checking the boxes. We’re doing what needs to be done. But somewhere - somehow - a switch flipped. Like a train that has been quietly redirected by a tiny little piece of iron at a junction. All of the sudden we are on a trajectory we didn’t consciously choose and it can take years to realize our journey is taking us to a destination we never intended.

Maybe it’s a career we never loved. A marriage we stopped tending to. A version of ourselves we didn’t mean to become. And it’s because we’re moving fast - putting our heads down and going through our every day routines - and haven’t stopped long enough to notice.

Or maybe it’s the dreams we never pursued. The places we swore we would see. The book we meant to write. The business we were born to build. The art. The mission. The voice. Not because we don’t care, but because we’ve become afraid of failure. Afraid that if we try and fail, we’ll hit the ground. We think if we play small and don’t dream too big we get a big pay-off: we won’t fail or look foolish for trying.

But the biggest failure isn’t falling, it’s never stepping into the field. It’s sitting in the bleachers letting your precious life pass, convincing yourself that shrinking was the smart move. Playing it safe has a cost.

And that cost is your one wild, unrepeatable life.

Sunny felt this pretty deeply when the kids grew up and started leaving the house. She had it in the back of her mind that they would go on some grand adventures at some point; however, when the kids started leaving home she realized her window had closed. Her family was changed forever and what she had always kind of “assumed” they would experience was no longer an option.

This is How Life Slips Away

Life has a tendency to slip away by assumptions, good intentions, and… well, life. To-do lists. Meetings. Soccer practice. Laundry. Obligations. The endless illusion of “someday.”

But someday doesn’t come unless you claim it.

How are you ever going to live the life you want if you’ve never slowed down long enough to decide what that even is? We get roughly 28,000 days on this planet (assuming we die from old age). Are you intentionally and actively creating the life you want to live?

We were just talking the other day about a podcast Bart was listening to. The podcast basically said that with the way A.I. is going in the world and all the capabilities of biowarfare using A.I. and weapons and such… our time is limited. That sounds scary, right? But the truth is, none of us know our expiration date. There should be no more urgency to live life to its fullest from external circumstances than there should be from the fact that we just don’t know when it will end.

We Chose to Stop Waiting

That’s why we created the We Play Full out Life Mastery experience. Not just to dream big (although we highly encourage that), but to design. To sit down and write the story of the life we actually want across every domain: relationships, health, wealth, joy, sex, purpose, parenting, intellect, emotions, and more!

Not the life we inherited or the one we were conditioned into. The one our soul wants to live. And then? We build it. Together.

You weren’t born to die with your music still inside of you. You weren’t meant to live someone else’s story. And you sure as hell weren’t put here to just check boxes and call it a life.

So, Here’s Your Moment

Stop.
Look around.
Ask yourself: “Is this the life I chose - or just the one I’ve tolerated?”

And if the answer shakes something loose in you, if it lights a fire or stirs an ache… then maybe it’s time. Time to switch the track back. To stop waiting and live to start, start to live right now.

Ready to design a life you don’t want to escape from?

We’d be honored to walk the path with you. Click here to send Sunny an email to set up a call to explore We Play Full Out Life Mastery with us.

With love and urgency,
Bart & Sunny

Life Updates:

• Happy Father’s Day to all the Dad’s out there! I am so grateful we have a day for me to specifically reflect on Bart as a Dad and all he does and continues to do for our family. His presence and love runs deep for our kids and I am so grateful for the rock he is in our lives!

• Sunny got to go to breakfast with her Dad while he was in town. It was such a nice visit - even though for some crazy reason breakfast was at 7 AM?! Haha.

• This week we are still just living the entrepreneurial life - staying busy building programs and are so deeply honored to be able to be a part of our tribe’s journey!

• Bart also roped a little and we played some pickleball. We have an 80 year old friend and we play at his house about once a week. Whenever something is REALLY good - whether it’s a pickleball hit or we’re just out visiting and eating some pizza and having some drinks on a beautiful summer evening - he says, “That’s Cadillac.” Or if he really likes you, he’ll just walk right up to you and say, “You’re Cadillac!” We use the term a lot now just because of him… so let’s just say, you taking the time to read this newsletter and be a part of our community and lives… well, that’s just Cadillac! Thank you!

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