Why Villains Matter More Than Heroes

Listen to an expanded conversation between Bart and Sunny around this newsletter:

I. RECOGNITION: The Awakening

There’s a fairy tale that’s haunted us more than most. It’s not the pretty ones. It’s Rumpelstiltskin.

You’ve got a young girl who is powerless, desperate, and cornered. So she makes a deal and trades something she doesn't think she’ll ever need in order for her to survive - her firstborn child. And then she forgets.

Until the day the price comes due.

That’s what we do. We make quiet deals with fear, with silence, and with comfort. We convince ourselves we’re being “smart” or “strategic.” But really, we just didn’t want to bleed. And then one day we wake up and realize… we gave away everything that made us powerful. We handed over our power while telling ourselves the villain is somewhere out there. We didn’t realize until it was too late that the price asked of us was too great.

The truth? The villain has always been inside the room. The villain is the deal we made with ourselves when no one was watching. The habit we chose over the risk. The belief we kept so we wouldn’t have to stretch. The voice you hear when you're about to act - that's not just doubt.

That’s Rumpelstiltskin at the door.

The villain is the shadow version of you, and is actually a mirror for what you are hiding inside. You know your villain better than you think you do: it’s the voice in your head. The loop you can’t stop playing. If you want to know who is actually holding the pen to your story, you don’t have to look too far.

Villains are actually more important than heroes. No hero rises without a villain. Harry without Voldemort is just a kid with trauma. Luke without Vader is a farmer in a beige, hum-drum world. Scar made Simba a king. The villain makes the story matter.

But most people don’t recognize the villain for what it is because it doesn’t always show up with fangs and fire. Sometimes it shows up as hesitation. Perfectionism. A pattern you can’t quite quit. It doesn’t always chase you. Sometimes it enticingly invites you to stay small.

II. THE VILLAIN MASK: Internal vs. External

Here’s where it gets even trickier.

Sometimes the villain comes from the outside—an unexpected betrayal, a massive failure, a rock-bottom moment (divorce, job loss, health crisis, midlife crisis) that cracks your certainty in half. And sometimes it’s born inside, crafted from fear, perfectionism, or the quiet, haunting belief that you're not enough.

But, whether the villain comes in like a wrecking ball or whispers from the inside of your own head... it’s doing the same thing. It’s forcing you to look at what you’ve avoided.

External villains can initiate the plot. Internal villains reveal the character arc.

One throws the first punch; the other decides if you rise… or retreat.

Either way, life doesn’t allow you to skip the fight.

III. CONFRONTATION: The Fight

Here’s what most of us humans get wrong: we want to wait for life to get easier before we rise. But no one moves mountains because they’re inspired. They move them because an avalanche is coming. There’s a reason why diamonds are made under intense pressure and heat. Nature shows us the initiatic path of life if we just open our eyes to it!

Villains are psychological catalysts. They tap into our most primal fears (the ones stored in the amygdala), not in our affirmations. That’s why they work. Not because they’re evil but because they force action.

Without resistance, there is no strength. Without fear, there is no courage. Without a villain, there is no hero.

But the danger isn’t just the villain itself. The real danger is what happens when we make peace with it. When we let it settle into our identity. We stop resisting and start accommodating. We call the fear “logic.” We call the comfort “strategy.” We call the delay “wisdom.”

And then one day, you look up and realize you’re not battling the villain anymore. You’re serving it. In other words, you have become your own worst enemy and the biggest stumbling block into who you want to be.

Have you ever had this happen? We have! You have an idea - a big, bold idea. Your excited about it and want to make it happen! But then you sat on it. Or, in a perfectionistic state, you reworked it, re-tweaked it. Waited for the right time or maybe some better circumstances. Meanwhile, someone else launched something eerily similar… and crushed it.

That person wasn’t our competition. They were our catalyst. They showed us that our “planning” was actually hiding. That our fear of failure had been dressed up like strategy. That was the day we stopped blaming the villain, and started fighting it.

So if you're stuck right now—ask yourself this:

🔥 Here are a few Internal Villains (Psychological/Emotional) that may be lurking in your psyche:

These are the quiet ones—the ones that live in your mind, body, or conditioning:

• Procrastination – Seems harmless until it silently kills your dreams.

• Perfectionism – Masquerades as high standards but is really fear of being seen failing.

• Self-doubt – The inner whisper that says “you’re not ready,” “you’re not enough.”

• Imposter syndrome – You’ve earned it, but you still feel like a fraud.

• Fear of rejection – Keeps you silent, small, or socially invisible.

• Overwhelm – Paralyzes you with so many to-dos that you do none of them.

• Comparison – Destroys your confidence by measuring your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel.

• Control – A trauma-born villain that keeps you rigid, anxious, and unable to surrender to the unknown.

IV. INTEGRATION: The Becoming

Okay, so once you are awakened to the villain in your life and make a determination to fight it… there’s actually another step that needs to take place if you are to truly become the most authentic, powerful version of yourself: integration.

The goal isn’t actually to defeat the villain, it’s to integrate it.

Let’s talk about Anakin Skywalker. He didn’t become Darth Vadar because he was evil. He became Darth Vadar because he was afraid. He couldn’t sit with grief. He couldn’t process rage. He wanted control, not surrender. And instead of facing the villain within, he let it consume him. He didn’t integrate his shadow. He became it.

That’s the cautionary tale of not becoming a more evolved version of yourself. You don’t slay the villain, you absorb what it came to teach you. You take its fire, its intensity, its power, and you redirect it. Because the part of you that doubts, that fears, that hides... it also contains your ambition, your brilliance, your resilience.

That’s the paradox: your villain is not your enemy. It’s your origin story.
And if you’re brave enough to face it, name it, and reclaim the parts of you it tried to steal, you don’t just go back to who you were.

You become someone entirely new.

And, although it sounds counterintuitive, you want your villain to be powerful! Why? A weak villain doesn’t just make the story boring, it betrays the very purpose of the journey. The villain sets the standard for the hero’s growth. They are the measuring stick, the forge, the pressure that demands evolution. A villain’s strength is what determines the depth of the transformation. When the villain is weak, the hero never has to stretch. They never have to dig deeper, get stronger, or confront their own shadows. The story flatlines. The character stays shallow. And the purpose of the soul’s journey (to become something more) is lost. Make sense? We grow in relation to the depth of the underlying tension and resistance we face.

In real life, this shows up when your problems are too easy, your fears are too vague, or your challenges are too comfortable. Without real tension, you stay exactly where you are. You don’t need new skills. You don’t confront old wounds. You don’t shed outdated identities. You coast.

But purpose doesn’t live in comfort. It lives in confrontation.

We were not designed for stagnation. We were built for growth. We are here to play full out, not sleepwalk through life. Growth requires resistance, just like your muscles do. A powerful villain reveals just how much fire is waiting in your belly. A weak one robs you of that discovery.

So yes, it hurts. It’s uncomfortable. It feels unfair. But that big, gnarly villain in your life It’s proof that your story matters. And that something legendary is trying to emerge through you.

V. THE INVITATION: Step Into the Fight

So here’s your map:

Step 1: Name your villain. Not “fear of failure.” That’s too broad. Try: “I’m scared to launch because if it flops, I’ll have to face the fact that I’m not as good as I pretend to be.” Be brutal. Be clear. Then, give it a name! Name it whatever name lights a fire under you so that when you wake up every morning you are ready to go to battle!

Step 2: Define victory. What does winning actually look like? More money? More truth? The ability to speak without shaking? If you don’t define it, you’ll never hit it.

Step 3: Plan your attack. Heroes don’t rise by accident. They rise by design. What’s your move today, tomorrow, and the day after that?

And finally—step 4: Integrate. Don’t just fight the villain. Learn from it. Take its strength. Let it sharpen you. That’s how you stop running from your shadow… and start walking with it.

And remember, you weren’t born for background roles, you were born to play full out. Don’t be most people. Don’t rehearse the same fear story for the rest of your life. Don’t build a castle around your villain and call it “stability.” You were born to rise. You were born to architect your life on your own terms and by your own design. You were born to play full out!

Life Updates:

• We have been on the go, go, go! Last weekend we worked on our branding with Rey Perez. We are really excited to dial in our messaging around who we are and what we do.

• We also attended a Speaker & Sales Mastery Event. This event was also hosted by Rey, in collaboration with Dan Clark. Dan is a New York Times best-selling author. He has 37 books and has given over 6,000 speeches in his career. It was really fun to hear him speak (he is hilarious) and also learn his storytelling structure.

• One of our I Do Epic family members, Zander Caffall, got married last weekend as well! We were so honored to be able to attend his wedding and celebrate this special day with him. Huge congratulations to Zander and Madison!

• Xander got his driver’s license. It’s official. What a huge milestone in a kid’s life, right? Crazy to just watch him pull out the car and head to school on his own. We’ve done it three other times with our older kids, but this pivotal moment in time is never lost on us.

• Bart took on the huge job of spring grooming for our two horses, Duke and Rolex. He has also roped a couple of times this week! So fun!

• Of course we have played pickleball… is that even a question? Hehe.

• Our I Do Epic group just started a fitness challenge for May. We also started a Book Club. We read a book that supports the challenge for the month. This month we are reading The Comfort Crisis by Michael Easter.

• Other than that, we are in full prep for our upcoming I Do Epic LIVE event! There are still a few unclaimed seats…so if you want to join us, there’s still time! Go to www.idoepiclive.com and come play with us at our summer camp for entrepreneurs!

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