Who Are You, Really? Why Our Actions - Not Intentions - Define Us

Listen to an expanded conversation between Bart and Sunny around this newsletter:

There’s a peculiar kind of illusion we all fall into: the belief that because we think a certain way, or feel a certain emotion, that must be who we are.

Years ago, I read The Screwtape Letters by C.S. Lewis, and one story in particular lodged itself in my mind. A man prays daily for his aging mother. He believes himself to be a righteous, loving son, filled to the brim with concern and care. But in his actual life? He avoids her. He resents her. He criticizes her under his breath. He offers her no help. Yet he feels extremely holy because he thinks about her often and constantly speaks to God on her behalf.

Lewis used this story to highlight a dangerous truth: the easiest person to deceive is ourselves. Especially when we substitute intention for action.

The Mirror of Behavior

We may think or speak words of lofty ideals, plans, and visions. But at the end of the day, words are easy to speak - it takes a sacrifice of energy to implement. To push past the naysayers out there in the world, but even more difficult to push past our own apathy, lethargy, self-doubt, anxiety, depression, and fear. To ACT.

And if we’re honest? Sometimes what we do doesn’t line up with who we say we are.

My Own Wake-Up Call

Sunny: I’ve experienced this in my own life. I’ve said I value deep connection, but have chosen distraction when I’ve had the chance to connect. I’ve claimed to be disciplined, but then built my schedule around comfort instead of growth. I remember distinctly being at a small event in California. My thoughts about myself were that I was in the forefront of things at events, that I participated quite a bit, and that I was pretty chatty with other people. For some reason (can’t remember why), I zoomed out and took a look at myself as an event attendee. I discovered I kind of lurked in the back, didn’t really participate much at all, and only talked to people if I had to! It was a pretty shocking discovery for me! If you had looked at my calendar, my bank statement, or my screen time… you’d have seen someone different than the identity I imagined for myself.

This is not a moral failing. It’s a human one.

The Science Behind the Disconnection

Psychologists have studied this phenomenon for decades. The term cognitive dissonance describes the internal tension we feel when our actions don’t align with our values. Another concept, the intention-behavior gap, refers to the common struggle of wanting to change but not following through. We intend to be fit, generous, or bold…but our habits quietly tell a different story.

Even worse? Our brain is wired to protect our identity, even if it’s inaccurate. The false consensus effect convinces us we’re doing better than we are because we surround ourselves with thoughts, not evidence.

Would You Let a Videographer Follow You?

So how do we get back into alignment? How do we know if the life we’re living is actually the one we meant to create?

It starts with awareness. And not the kind you get from a podcast or a highlighter in a book. The kind that requires looking at the real data of your life and being willing to confront what it reveals.

Bart blew my mind last week when he came up with an exercise that really shines a light on whether or not who you think you are is in alignment with your actions. He said, “Imagine you have a videographer following your every move of every day - from the shower to the bedroom to your breakfast - every second of every day. In as little as one week or less someone could watch that video and know exactly what kind of person you are and what you value.”

Just the idea of someone watching…it’s intriguing, right? Uncomfortable? A little! But it would quickly expose the truth: how you’re actually showing up, not just how you think you are! Massive self-awareness check!

We are actually going to start with this exercise tomorrow in our We Play Full Out Life Mastery Experience and our new Inner Circle, Legion 11:11. But here are some steps you can take if you want to make sure your life is on course and in alignment with who you actually want to be - not just who you may think you are!

The Action Alignment Audit

Step 1: Reality Check: “What Do My Actions Say About Me?”

For the next seven days, pretend like you do have a videographer following you around. Be hyper-aware of your actions - how you spend your time, your money, what you eat, and how you move. Also, pay attention to your emotions and your energy. What kind of conversations you have in public and private, and how well you do or don’t take care of yourself. Then, ask yourself: If someone else had this data, who would they assume I am?

Don’t justify. Just observe.

Step 2: Reconnect: “Who Am I Becoming?”

Define your intended trajectory. Ask: “Who is the future version of me I want to embody?” and “What traits does that person live out daily?”

This is your North Star.

Step 3: Recalibrate: “What Action Proves It Today?”

Now close the gap. Choose one action (small, but meaningful) that aligns with your ideal identity. It might be 15 minutes of writing, it might be giving a genuine compliment, or it might be saying no to something you usually say yes to.

Do this consistently and your life will begin to match your vision.

The Story Your Life is Telling

Because at the end of the day, you are are building a life, one action at a time. Not with who you hope to be… but with what you actually do.

So ask yourself:

What story are my actions telling?

And if it’s not the one I want to be living…

What’s the very next line I need to write?

Life Updates:

• This week we are heading to American Fork, Utah, to speak at a 2-Day Branding Event hosted by our friend, Rey Perez. We will be speaking on Style (Become Magnetic: Craft the Look that Commands the Room) and finding your Why (Why Your Why Is Not Optional).

• Sunny also has a hair appointment in Salt Lake on Saturday… so we will have one day for some downtime or trying to get some work in while traveling. Hopefully we will meet up with our daughter, Kenya, and son-in-law, Kaden, in the Provo area for a quick visit! Speaking of, she just got a promotion and a big raise at work! Super proud of her!

• …And back to Kenya again. She will be launching her new brand, Sewn By Sage, at the Springville Utah Farmer’s Market on Monday, June 30th, at 5 PM. If you are in the area, we (and she) would absolutely love your support. She has been sewing her little fingers off and has all kinds of cute handmade products, from tote bags to zipper pouches to key lanyards… and more!

• Sunny and Xander finally got their act together for the summer and attended lessons yesterday. Xander on saxophone and Sunny on piano. Always good to get back into the groove of things…hehe. See what I did there?

• We held our I Do Epic ELITE Mastermind Call on Tuesday - we discussed content creation and workflows and how to use A.I. to help speed up the process of creating content and reels.

• Our I Do Epic Elite Execution and Networking group has been reading Gary Vee’s book, Day Trading Attention: How to Actually Build Brand and Sales in the New Social Media World. We have a challenge going on this month to see who can get the most organic views on a video posted on any social media platform!

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