When Your Business Becomes the Mistress

Listen to an expanded conversation between Bart and Sunny around this newsletter:

Picture this: the perfect lover walks into your life - and she’s all yours. She looks exactly how you want her to look, and dresses like she is ready to devour you at any moment. She laughs at your jokes, she celebrates your wins, and she never argues with you. She’s available anytime you want her, whether you are in the mood for some playful flirting or a deep, late-night heart-to-heart. She fuels your ego, strokes your ambition, and makes you feel unstoppable and alive. And here’s the kicker…she lives right inside your office. Her name? Your business.

But here’s the problem: while you’re swept away in this intoxicating love affair, there’s someone else at home - your real partner - watching you pour your best energy, creativity, and passion into this other relationship. Your business becomes the mistress. She gets the late nights, the long gazes, the endless attention… while your marriage gets the leftovers. And before you know it, the very thing you built to give your family freedom and love starts stealing it away.

How Business Silently Steals Intimacy

When an entrepreneur launches a business (we’ll use “he” for simplicity, but this applies either way), it’s natural for all of his energy, creativity, problem-solving, and time to be funneled into making it succeed. The focus and dedication it takes to get a business off the ground is monumental. Money is poured into software, courses, mentors, and high-end masterminds all with the notable goal of growing, scaling, and ultimately providing an amazing life for both him and his family. 

But…then something shifts. Once that business starts doing well and recognition begins to roll in, the business itself begins to meet intimate needs he may not be getting at home. Suddenly, people are flocking to be in his presence. Some even pay to be near him. They hang on every word. They give him the nods, the applause, the respect. He doesn’t get any pushback from staff because he’s the one making the calls and signing the checks. He gets awards. He makes money. He is in control. In this world of his own making, he is admired, respected, and fulfilled. 

Until he walks through the front door.

At home, he is no longer in control. The rules are different. His wife is not impressed that he just stepped off a stage or closed a big deal…she cares about how he is showing up for his kids. She cares about how he shows up for her. And unlike the business, she isn’t afraid to push back. She’ll call out his flaws, and she’ll let him know where he’s falling short in the home.

And that’s where the collision happens. The business gives him unconditional admiration. The home gives him accountability. The business feeds his ego. The home demands his presence. One feels effortless, the other feels heavy. And without realizing it, he starts spending more and more time and energy with the mistress - the business - because she never nags, never complains, and always rewards him with another hit of significance and control. 

But the problem is, when your business becomes your mistress, your marriage will eventually feel like a side piece. And that’s a trade no entrepreneur really wants to make - because you can scale another business, but you cannot outsource intimacy. 

How to Re-Balance: The Mistress Test

If you find yourself in this situation, the first step isn’t choosing between your partner or your business - it’s choosing honesty. Re-balancing begins when you start getting real with yourself and your priorities.

So let’s get real right now by doing a Three-Page Test:

• On one page, list everything you love about your business. On the back of the page, write everything you hate about it.

• On the other, list everything you love about your marriage or partner. On the back of the page, write everything you hate about him or her.

• On the last page, list everything you love about yourself, and on the back write everything that you hate about yourself.

Be bold and unfiltered. No one else will ever see this but you. If part of what you love about your business is how it strokes your ego, write it down. Don’t just jot down the safe lines like, “it provides for my family.” Go deeper. Be raw. Maybe it’s, “I feel like a King in my business. I call the shots. People hang on my every word.” That’s the kind of truth we’re after. We want the parts that feel almost too vulnerable to admit. Because only when it’s on paper can you see where your real intimacy is going.

Look at them all side-by-side. Now ask yourself: if one had to disappear tomorrow, which one would I choose? If I had to let one completely go and/or put a “bullet” in it, which would it be? 

There’s no audience, no judgment, no “right” answer. Just you and the truth. Sit with it. Notice how your body responds. Maybe you have a tight chest, an adrenaline spike, or an ache in your stomach. That response is telling you where you’ve been giving your deepest intimacy, and whether it’s where you actually want it to go. 

Now, think about 10 years from now. Is your answer still the same? 

How to Seduce Your Partner Back to Center

If you choose your partner, then game on. That doesn’t mean sacrificing your business. It means out-seducing your own mistress. Bring the spark, the edge, the obsession you pour into work… and use it to seduce your partner back to center.

Think about it:

• How many thousands of dollars have you spent on business mentorship - can you say the same about relationship mentorship? 

• How much money have you spent on gifts for peers or people you want to impress... and can you say the same for your spouse? 

• You want hot sex when you come home, but have you ever studied what sex is? Not just the physical act, but the depth of presence, energy, and polarity it creates? Business has taught you strategy, focus, and discipline, but intimacy is where those skills get tested in the rawest way possible. Sex isn’t just a release - it’s revelation. And the more intentional you become with it, the more magnetic your entire relationship becomes. 

• When you head to executive meetings, do you plan, prepare, dress to the nines, and pick the perfect venue? Do you go in with a clear agenda and outcome in mind? Now ask yourself: do you bring that same intentionality to your date nights? 

• Do you pour your best energy, focus, and creativity into work, only to come home and check out? 

• You’ve built vision boards and exit plans for your business. But do you have a vision board with your spouse? Do you have an “exit plan” for when  your kids leave home - one that puts your relationship at center again?  

Now, as you start to think about these things, take all three of the pages you wrote on and burn them. Light them up. Watch them turn to ash. Don’t be surprised if it briefly takes the air out of your lungs or makes your body recoil. Don’t be shocked if it is extremely difficult for you.

But that’s the point. When you burn it all down to the ground, you get to start from a clean slate. A chance to intentionally choose how you’ll show up for yourself, your business, and the person you said yes to spending the rest of your life with.

The Real Secret of Seduction

The truth is, seduction isn’t about flowers or fancy dinners - those are just props.

Real seduction is about attention that lingers, intention that teases, and presence that feels electric. It’s about channeling the same magnetic energy you give your business - the spark in your eyes, the creative edge, the relentless drive - and bringing it home. When you do, date night doesn’t feel like another box to check just to prove you are trying…it feels like foreplay. That’s when intimacy wakes up, passion reignites, and your partner stops feeling like second place and starts feeling like the center of your empire. 

Now let’s be real for a second: if you’ve been absent for a while, your partner may not melt into your arms overnight. The more neglected they’ve felt, the more pushback you may face at first. They might test if you’re serious, or assume this is just another “phase” you’ll drop when work gets busy again. That resistance isn’t rejection - it’s self-protection. They’re waiting to feel safe again. Pushback means they still care enough to want the real you. And if you stay consistent by bringing playful energy, showing up with curiosity instead of defensiveness, and proving with action that they matter…safety returns. And once there’s safety, seduction can flow again. That’s when the walls come down, the fire reignites, and intimacy outlasts any business win.

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