How the Rage Beast that Showed Up at an Innocent BBQ Opened a Doorway to Unlived Potential

Listen to an expanded conversation between Bart and Sunny around this newsletter:

When Cornhole Turns Into Chaos

Sunny had a “moment” a few weeks ago that involved nothing less than a backyard barbecue, a “friendly” little game of cornhole, and a whole ‘lotta rage. It all started out innocently enough. We (along with our son, Xander) attended a goodbye party for one of our favorite pickleball friends and his wife, who were moving to Texas for a new job opportunity. 

As we sipped on lemon-infused water and finished up our last bites of Texas-shaped rice krispy treats, Bart started eyeing the inconspicuous cornhole game that was set up about 30 feet away from us. He mistakenly thought it would be a “good idea” to play a game together, and even worse, that it would be a “good idea” for us to play on different teams. 

The game went as most amateur cornhole games go… slowly and painfully. Scores weren’t racking up very quickly, but in this particular game, Sunny was sinking more grass-stained beanbags in than anyone else. Her team was on the winning “point” but since we didn’t actually know the rules of the game, she sunk one in, putting her over the winning score. Apparently, according to her now least favorite pickleball friend who knew how to play the game, that reversed her score by three points. 

Fast forward to the end of the game that seemed like it would never end, and Bart’s team ended up winning. Let me tell you, a Rage Beast the size of Manhattan came out of nowhere and ate Sunny alive. Since she was surrounded by about 10 other couples she had just met, and since it was a family-friendly atmosphere, she silently made her way back to her camp chair without trying to cause too much drama… but definitely had a very noticeable new, silent, seething, impossible-to-hide energy that she couldn’t shake for the duration of the party. 

Why This Story Matters

So… what in the world was this all about and why are we writing about it? 

Well. Because it wasn’t ever really about cornhole. It was a piece of Sunny’s shadow bubbling up. Triggers like this aren’t random. Although not particularly ideal in the moment, it is actually pretty cool that our bodies let us know we have some buried power simmering below the surface that is clawing for reintegration. 

Until we reclaim that power, it runs our lives from the shadows. We keep giving away our energy - and destiny - away.

Other triggers you may notice in yourself apply here, too - jealousy, hatred, disgust, envy, etc. Whatever comes up for us is our body’s way of saying, “This moment is about more than this moment...”

Rage isn’t “bad.” It’s raw, unintegrated energy. The intensity of your reaction reveals the intensity of your disowned power. When you integrate a trigger such as rage, you stop being hijacked by it in trivial contexts. You can channel its raw energy into clarity, assertiveness, and boundary-setting. Rage stops being a volcano and becomes a furnace…a steady source of power. 

Let’s dive in and see how we can tame this rage tiger and turn it into our guardian of power instead of our predator of energy!

Four Steps to Turn Triggers Into Power

If you have had a trigger recently, run that particular trigger through the following steps to integrate the power that is lying in wait for you to reclaim. We are using rage here as an example:

First, awareness in the moment. 
Notice: Say “This rage is bigger than this moment calls for. A complex has me.” Naming it already separates you from it. 

Active Imagination/Dialogue.
Later, when safe, sit quietly, and ask: “Rage, what do you want me to know? What are you protecting?” Let it speak. 

Embodied Release.
Rage is somatic. Move it through the body. Use breathwork, shaking, primal screaming into a pillow, or intense exercise. Not to “get rid of it,” but to let the energy complete its cycle. *We talked about completing cycles of stress in our newsletter, “Why Your Body Still Thinks It’s Running from Lions.” 

Find the Gold.
Ask, “What’s the gift here?” Often it’s power, presence, or drive.

The Mirror Effect in Relationships

Sunny’s further reflection into the unfortunate (or was it in fact, fortunate?) cornhole incident led her down the path of understanding that this explosion was actually a reflection of her relationship with power. She had shoved dominance and competition into her shadow and it was manifesting itself in her life as being overly passive and playing small when she shouldn’t be. Her soul was literally telling her to show up and play full out in her life with fierce focus, relentless willpower, and unapologetic presence instead of defaulting to her passive mode.

BUT… she also discovered her rage only flares up like this with Bart - not with anyone else. Why? Because we project our deepest unconscious parts onto those closest to us. Intimacy creates safety for the psyche to reveal what’s hidden. Bart was carrying Sunny’s unclaimed competitiveness and dominance - the very things she had shoved into shadow.

He was mirroring her unlived potential.

Thank heavens Bart is on Sunny’s team and doesn’t respond with rage and anger, but instead encourages and fights for her and with her!

Shadow & Gold Are a Package Deal

There is a universal law called the Law of Polarity. The law states that every energy has two sides: one shadow, one golden. If you reject the shadow, you reject the gold, too. 

For example: 

• Shadow side: envy, aggression, needing to win at all costs

• Golden side: excellence, mastery, calling out the best in yourself and others. 

The best part? When you reclaim your shadow, you reclaim your gold. Once integrated, you get to choose how to consciously express it.

The Takeaway: Play Full Out By Claiming Your Power

Next time you feel a trigger rising (rage, jealousy, hate, disgust), pause. 

Ask: “What power is waiting for me here?”

Your triggers aren’t here to punish you. They’re here to return you to yourself. To show you the unlived potential inside you. That’s how you play full out: not by bypassing the shadow, but by integrating it into your strength.

So thank the people who trigger you. They’re showing you where your power is ready and waiting to be claimed.

Life Updates:

• Xander pulled out his alto saxophone and made his big debut at a jazz jam session held every third Tuesday night at a restaurant called Pachenga’s. He called out his songs with the house band, and cranked out some stellar improv. He did an absolutely incredible job…and of course we are super proud of him!

• Sunny’s birthday was awesome! Thank you, thank you to all who wished her a happy birthday! We had a little family pickleball party, complete with pizza and homemade Tiramisu.

• We had an epic time and Dr. Jason West’s cabin last Saturday. Our daughter, Kenya, and her husband, Kaden, joined us for a visit. So did a couple of other friends. And speaking of Dr. Jason West…HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!!!

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